There’s No Need to Barbecue Indoors

I laughed so hard that I cried when I found this hastily scribbled entry in my diary.  You will only find it funny if a) you know the song “No Need to Argue” by the Cranberries and b) you know my funny carbon monoxide poisoning story.

So, when I was 17 or so I was sleeping at my friend H’s house, and leaped up to answer the phone in the morning, and then landed quite hard on a GIANT commercial sewing needle.  Like, picture a normal sewing needle, and then picture what it would look like 20 times bigger or so, stuck dead center through my big toe (including the nail).   It was at least 5 inches long, and it was not as thick as a crochet hook or anything, but it was *pretty* thick compared to most needles.  We couldn’t pull it out by ourselves – my friend had to find a pliers and pull like hell.  It hurt.   I was freaked out. And bleeding. A lot.

Well, I hadn’t had a tetanus shot, so my dad had to come and take me for one.  First, we tried going to the largest / closest hospital, only to find that they were FULL because a group of about 40 people had decided to barbecue.  Indoors.  In a tiny apartment.  For the rose bowl.  which is in one of the cold months.  and they hadn’t opened any windows because it was cold out. The neighbor found them all passed out and called 911 and started waking them all up. So there were at least 40 people, greenish skin, really ill, puking or ready to puke, laying around the emergency room waiting to be treated for Carbon Monoxide poisoning.  We decided to try another nearby hospital, but they had the overflow from the barbecue, so we ended up going to a third hospital.

My dad and I being the sick, sarcastic people we are, felt bad for the sick people, but also could not help laughing hysterically about it as we drove from hospital to hospital.

I went home and re-wrote the lyrics to the cranberries song “there’s no need to argue” (which is one of those things i used to do – I was so obsessed with weird al and being funny that I used to re-write every song i liked)….

At any rate, without further ado, first, a video in case you don’t know the melody, and second, my words for the song below, based on the rose bowl carbon monoxide incident

There’s no need to barbecue indoors
All my friends are sick and
They’re passed out on the floor
And I’m feeling really bad
It’s the worst idea I’ve ever had
I knew, I knew, I’d go to St. Luke’s

We’ll always be sickly green, sickly green
And I remember all our friends were laying there
passed out on the floor, the couch, and the armchair
and we thought it would work out fine
we didn’t plan on carbon monoxide

I never knew, I never knew, we shouldn’t barbeque
we’ll always be sickly green, sickly green

Will I feel better in time?
The EMT thinks we’re out of our minds
there’s no need to barbeque,
no need to barbeque indoors
I don’t think we should barbeque anymore