Poetry by Emilie Autumn
Emilie Autumn, who I am obsessed with most days, makes lovely music. But she also writes poetry which I often feel is speaking only to (and for) me. In other words, just like all of her other fans feel, no doubt. 🙂
Here are some of my very favorites:
Emilie Autumn – I didn’t mean you
I’ve spent my whole life telling everyone to leave me alone.
Don’t Touch!
Don’t look too close!
But I didn’t mean you.
And now you’re gone
because you saw the “forbidden” sign above my head
and you didn’t know I didn’t mean you.
You went to an open door instead of knocking harder at mine
I would have let you in
but you didn’t know that I didn’t mean you
you didn’t see that I had cleared the path and left the walkway free
for I told myself that I would only be tread on by you…
==
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dOL-5OwqwOE]
A Letter from a Friend
Precious thing
I long for nothing more
Than to be your friend
But I am not good
As you are
For I think
Where I should feel
And I am not innocent
As you would think
For I try
To turn your head
And I never stop
And I see you happy
And I wish you well
But in my wish
Is my invitation
To a different dream
And I wonder
If I care for you at all
Not to leave you alone
Where you are
Content
And I long for nothing more
Than to be your friend
But if you accept my gift
You will ruin it
And I will not give you
What I promised
Because
I can’t
But I will always
Offer
And I will always
Deny it
Because I have a most convenient
Guise
Of friendship
Should you slip
I should slay you
Like all the others
And still I rain
And say walk my way
Because I adore
Where I have no right
But I ask you to become
Worse than you are
And neglect to mention
That I adore the part of you
That does not love me
For I long for nothing more
Than to be your friend
Yet I long for everything
Friends will never be
I think I may be
Cruel
But if I harm none I am only
Evil
And it hurts not to know if I am
Terrible
Or only
In love
==
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wUqff0zqZBc]
Close
I had you so close
And you didn’t even know
I cherished every turn of your voice
And thrilled when you laughed
And died at each offered word
Which meant you didn’t long to leave
And I tried not to seem
Too happy
You seem at home
In my darkness
And I love you
Because I know it isn’t easy
And you are so kind
Because you make me feel
Worthy of pinching
==
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IvDc8y2jco8]
Bits of conversation fill my head
Tangling with words we haven’t said
Glimpses of a movement you once made
Knowing I could live but dream instead
Wondering if you saw the part I played
Whether I’m the reason that you stayed
Only half believing it could be
Well aware I want what I forbade
Questioning my own reality
Doubting in my mind the things I see
Altering perception fast as light
Do you know for years you’ve haunted me?
Speaking words you never could recite
Giving bliss as if to test my flight
All is but illusion, this I know
Yet more felt than objects in my sight
The world may see my skin but just below
Simmers what I think but never show
Lifetimes lived with you but more than this,
Guessing where in your sweet dreams you go
Do you drown in memory’s abyss?
Is there music in a voice you miss?
When you close your eyes do you relive
Each averted glance, aborted kiss?
Do you harbor what you should forgive?
Search for signs in every narrative?
Or repel all company save one,
Who is not cure but palliative?
While it’s possible these things you’ve done,
All too likely I’m the only one
And upon this thought my vision fled
So I end back where I had begun
Nothing but the present fills your head
Forgetting more than half the things I’ve said
Shadows of a sacrifice you made
Knowing you could dream but live instead.
==
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2fG0IyyHFDU]
What right have I?
You are not mine
Nor will you ever be
I need not try
To read your sign
You dont belong to me
I should not care
How you behave
What difference does it make?
Perhaps someday
You will grow brave
And from this sleep awake
But when you do
It will not then
Be caused by what I say
But by one who
Like other men
Holds you within her sway
And as I claim
No place within
The life you choose to live
Ill stay the same
As I have been
And all your faults forgive
Perhaps I own
The privileged place
For worry I need not
I may condone
Reprove with grace
And still remain unfraught
With jealousies
And petty cares
And all that love demands
So as you please
Ill save my prayers
And better use my hands
But why all this?
As I have said
It matters not to me
What right have I?
You are not mine
Nor will you ever be
==
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WXpa4xqfSNM]
If you could only know
The hurt I feel each time
I think of you, you might
Begin to understand
What makes a faerie cry
You couldnt quite believe
The reasons I would give
If you asked to be told
The nature of my tears
And so I told you why
If you could only know
How many times each day
I picture in my mind
The look upon your face
When you begin to laugh
Or how your eyes look sad
The softness of your hair
The beauty of your soul
And whatever I am
You are the other half
I cannot comprehend
How I could recognize
The one I’ve waited for
The instant that we met
And have known since that day
While you are truly fond
And care I do believe
But would not take the chance
That alters suns and moons
And gave your heart away
If you could only know
How precious youve become
How all that I create
You still inspire so
You may begin to see
That I might be the one
For whom you were brought back
But if you never know
The chance will pass us by
And love will never be